16th August - Joneys Cross - Tampa

Another sunny Sunday was in store for us at Joneys Cross .......by the way- who was Joney? and why was she cross? ........ answers on a postcard please!
There was quite a crowd gathered for circle up ...... however NO Groucho ???? no ransom note was forthcoming so it was decided it would be safe to carry on. Stat Nav was also missing, as was the pink handbag, rumour had it they were together on a hen (ooops sorry stag) weekend in Birmingham, but we were given no hard evidence, just an oral excuse from his partner Chesty. However by way of replacement the aforementioned Chesty brought along 3 virgins, 2 medium sized and 1 small one, belonging to a friend who obviously fancied a quiet Sunday morning. Welcome backs went to Whiplash who has had a 3 month .... yes 3 MONTH hash break due to house moving ...... where did she move to Australia !!!!!! and a welcome back was given to Wellington, no reason given for his absence although Tuned In did muse about sunday school ????
The return of the Sherriff was given the respect he deserved, pity he didn't show some self respect with regard to keeping his Odd Bitz under wraps !!!! Surely there is a law about those trousers! and last but by no means least ...... lovely to see Itsy Bitz happy and smiling again bless her cotton bitz !!!
Over to the Hare, Tampa, who gave lots of info regarding the hash, sweetie stop, 3 long/shorts, 3 and on ....... and no fish hooks ..... however, as we later realised there was no need for them, as there were soooo many back checks the majority of the hash did the equivalent of 3 fish hooks each. Hare and a half is that Tampa.
So we were off ......... but no... we were back .... cross the road, and off again .... and no we were back again !!! would we ever get out of the car park we wondered. Then Geronimo shouted had anyone lost car keys to a Mazda ??? No reply, so finders keepers I suppose, Mazda for sale on Ebay under name of Geronimo.
Finally we WERE off, and a good trail followed - until a back check was found and the usual suspects (Spocky Bitz) went off scouting for the right trail ... which the majority of the hash followed before the On On was called, Tampa was seen bent over tying his shoe laces at this point, Horny Woman did notice this and IGNORED her gut instict which was telling her we were going in the wrong direction ..... note to self .....always trust your gut instict ! So back we came to a Tampa with perfectly tied up laces.
First of the long/shorts came along, with the shorts getting lost ..... lots of running up and down by Tail Lamp and Whiplash but still lost, until the hare took pity on a pathetic bunch and gave the wink to the correct path, Horny Woman was heard to say "I like you" to the Hare, but this was quickly raised to a "I love you" by Iron Lady. Tuned In and X Bitz were happily discussing their cravings during pregnancy, sugary sweets and chocolate were the top 2 - no mention of coal on toast or marmite and ice cream!!! The shorts came to the hash halt, which was under the cover of trees and waited in whispers for the longs to arrive, they could be heard shouting and getting lost quite a bit. Itsy Bitz had her morning snack whilst waiting for her daddy to come 1st streaking down the hill to the hash halt. Now talking of streaking - not only did he have indecent trousers but now the Sheriff was topless!!!! We all hoped and prayed that Fruity Bitz would be able to control herself in public, thank god, (or whichever spiritual following you belong to), that she did.
A long/short was next with the shorts going deep into the vegetation, admirably led by Keep Going. Under, over and though various species of trees and forestry we ploughed through, with occasional shouts of "watch out pricks" which progressed to "Big pricks ahead" and even more distressing for the males amongst us "Small pricks" !!!!! Yes folks it was a prickly 5 minutes.
Then the all important sweetie stop , jelly babies and fruit pastilles today, passed around and enjoyed by all. Odd Bitz said he felt taller since being on terra firma as he has spent 3 weeks in a horizontal position, really there were children around - you think he'd be a tad more discreet.
Up a slight hill - to which one of Chesty's virgins made the sensible observation " it would have been easier to go down the hill" that kid will go far! Then we happened upon an enigma - an arrow pointing to the left and a circle to the right, much scratching of heads and accusations abound but it would appear the arrow was from a previous trail and so it was On On to the right. Then it was the final long/short split and Horny Woman would like it documented that she took her very first long split..... could it be the influence of her official t-shirt ???
All back safely and an instant circle up was formed, without being shouted (such well trained hashers). Thanks given to an excellent Hash by the hare. Then fines .... Odd Bitz had the grace to fine himself for being away, then promptly knocked over his beer ...... good god, double fine for that one!!! Fruity bitz for getting her words back to front - back check / check back .....to which Spocky started to explain the difference between the two and Isoceles lost the will to live !!!! Very little, if any, snitching, so in the words of someone very famous "they think its all over - it is now !!"
Thanks to Horny Woman for this weeks blog - ED.
On On to Bullers Hill CP, Haldon Hill next week, to be laid by virgin hare Twice Daily!! We should meet at the 'unofficial car park' on the opposite side of the road to the official one as it is free but rumours abound (spread by Blobhoblin) that they have now blocked this off, so BRING CAR PARK MONEY.


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