Thorverton - Staines & Comes Regularly (Whiplash - absent) 27th June

Well, as many of the hashers entered the village we noticed Tail Lamp driving out, back towards the main road. Had he seen the hills and was he having second thoughts, had he been up to somethin he shouldn't have been or was he just lost? Well no prizes for guessing this one!

As we gathered we noticed a distinct lack of hares? Then entering stage left they walked past the car park and told us they would be back....what were they up to? A few minutes later we circled up and were given our instructions by the replacement hare. Staines advised that Whiplash was apparently in Scotland....how far had they laid this hash??

On On and away we raced....towards one of the many pubs in Thorverton...unfortunately we kept going! After a big loop we headed out of the village along a nice flat road (this was the last flat piece of running we would see for a long time. We arrived at a check and after some lame checking we were onto another check which brought the hash to halt. Two options - seriously uphill to the left or seriously uphill to the right?? Some second guessing was now taking place, nobody wanted to check out in the wrong direction on these hills. About 5 mins later and half way towards the upper atmosphere Twin Peaks voice could be heard calling "On On" - we could hear her but not see her!

As the hashers caught up Twin Peaks was already at the next check and leading us on through some adjacent farmland down a hill and then back up the other side to another check.Stat-Nav had now caught her up and quite rare for him he took the correct direction at this check and was soon calling everyone On. At the next check Stat-Nav called an impromptu Hash Halt as the combination of the heat and the hills appeared to be spreading the Hash out. Upon arriving at the check Tail Lamp exclaimed "you're not planning on taking us up Raddon Top" (possibly spelt wrong)as he pointed to the highest hill in the surrounding countryside. The hares grin should have given that one away.

At first we went downhill, but that just meant we had to come back up again...and up and up...and up!! Paperwork was clearly suffering the effects of running the Killerton Kanter the night before....walking on the hash! Sorepoint was showing Paperwork how it should be done, and demonstarting true stamina. Girl power! At the same time we spotted Isoceles using technology on the hash...that'll be at the 10p rate!

Then we were taken along the ridge line and could now clearly see the fntastic views from up the 'Top'. At the highest point around we met up with the shorts (well Spocky and Itzy) and whilst the sweets were passed around we took a few well earnt minutes to take in the view.

On On, and from here we all knew the only way was down. Through the fields and along the footpaths before coming out to the road. From here it was along the road and back to the car park. Although, Woodpecker continued running right past the car park! Did this spritely young chap fancy doing a second loop! (Stat-Nav then confessed to doing exactly the same but as no one was around he had originally tried to hide this little fact).

In the circle Spocky tried to encourage Staines to this years Autumn Gathering (I sense another ice, ice baby coming on!). He politely declined, once he remembered he was getting married on that weekend!....although did suggest we keep a space free just in case!

A very good trail, with some fantatsic views - thank you the hares!

Next week, we're in Lympstone with Woodpecker, then back to his for the On Down (bring your trunks!)

14th June - Upton Pyne Village CP - Groucho

Here's the Blog according to Sorepoint - with help at the pub from Stat Nav, Oddbitz, Fruity Bitz, and Titbitz.
36 beings assembled for this weeks hash ably set by Groucho and assisted by Twin Peaks. There had been some confusion even at this point, as Paperwork and I (Sorepoint) had thought it was our turn this week, but apparently our offer had co-incided with Tampa's e-mail going down and so he never got the message. Never mind, gave me another lie-in, our turn will come round again soon enough, I'm sure. We were introduced to one new runner - Leah. It was so kind of her to drag her grandfather Isosceles along. Groucho announced it was laid in flour, on the right and there would be three Long/Short splits - I think his maths has deserted him as I'm sure there were at least five or six splits along the way.
Anyway, on to the hash. It was called right out of the car park and on down a little lane to the left. Another check found Stat Nav checking right but not calling at all. This was a little strange, as the hasher behind him was calling well - on one, on two, on on .. still no call from Stat Nav out in front - his sunglasses were filtered incorrectly and completely filtered out the white flour - or perhaps, had he worn the X-ray vision ones today instead??? Lots of hash halts to keep the pack together and quite a few fishooks where the first 5 were sent back to the hare. The same culprits kept coming back - don't they ever learn that their shoe laces need tying after a long stretch. Quickly on to the first of many Long/Short splits. I went long and found myself running 3 sides of a corn field with no flour in sight then all the way along a very very very muddy track, also with no flour. Co-incidentally the hare didn't have muddy feet - me thinks he just sent us on a wild goose chase and hadn't checked this bit out at all! Talking of wild geese, we did have a treat at the re-group (and it wasn't the sweeties - only 3 bags and one sort repeated - very bad form!) when a normal person (?) walked past with a Hawk on his arm. Beautiful creature and lucky he was on a lead or he'd have been swooping for our licorice. Tail lamp played a trick on X Bitz at this point, pretending that Tampa had punched him and knocked a tooth out - when it was only liquorice blacking up his tooth. Of course, X Bitz had no trouble believing the former story, and had to be pursuaded that it wasn't in fact correct.
Off we went after the regroup up the hill and long/short split around Brampford Speke and past the Lazy Toad. Here we lost Oddbitz for a quick one, but the trail didn't stop and he was pulled away, kicking and screaming! Just around the corner Isosceles did his David Bellamy impression pointing out some wild strawberries growing at the side of the road! Tit Bitz found she needed to relieve herself and hopped over into a field, only to come running out again frantically pulling up her shorts, wailing that the tractor driver in the field had seen her in all her glory. You too can find this field, it's the one where the lines are all wavy instead of nice and straight! I expect the incident has already been reported in the Brampford Speke Gazette. There must be something in the air, as in a field near the river a bit further on, there was a couple trying to hide in the long grass, we all thundered past shouting On-On and two little faces appeared over the grass - they were hoping for a nice quiet grope on a Sunday morning, and then their peace is shattered, well and truly by the hash. After another long/short split with truly viscious nettles round the edge of the field, and the assistant hare trying to confuse the front runners even more by leading the them the wrong way, we arrived back at the Village hall for the circle. There were lots of fines today, and I can't remember all of them, but Paperwork was fined for calling on-on on only two blobs, which he strongly denies (blaming Dobby instead) and Dobby and Haggis were fined for changing before the circle. Most of the other fines went to X-Bitz, or Tit Bitz - not sure which and neither was their father - Oddbitz, who should be fined for confusing his own daughters. Thank you Groucho for a very well laid trail (except on the muddy bits!) and On-On to 4 Firs next week.

NOTE FROM ED: I believe a fine is definitely due in retrospect for Paperwork who decided to drop his drawers then bend over right in front of Horny Woman, Ring Piece and Tuned In! They drove off looking more than a little unwell!

6th June - Dalditch Farm, Woodbury Common - Fruity Bitz + Odd Bitz

Some twenty-four hashers appeared on the scene for todays hash, some to see the sight of Oddbitz who left his floating gin palace to lay the trail. When circled up neither hare assumed responsiblity for the trail that lay before us until Oddbitz bravely stepped forward, then we were entertained with an art lesson using flour of course to illustrate two new hash signs that he had managed to conjure up. What a talent! This caused the other hare, Fruitybitz, to get involved but alas, she was later fined for giving mis-information. Never mind. Stat-Nav took the role of acting sheriff, he does look the part some hashers were heard to whisper. We're ready to go, well not quite as the hares dropped a first instead of check it out we started with a long short split, which immediately split the pack in half. It was a full ten minutes before we met up again near the cycle way between Exmouth and Budleigh, Spockybitz leading the way for the longs to the hash halt, what a human dynamo that boy is. Once together we eventually found the trail leading onto the cycle way passing pleasant woodland scenery, Tail Lamp was heard to say this route was once an old railway line, he knows his railways he is always on the ball when railways are involved, best described as a fountain of knowledge.At the next hash halt one of our hares, Fruitybitz called check it out before the pack had all arrived, she was fined, as was Baglady who didn't even stop but chose to start looking for the trail, she too was fined. We all saw Baglady very soon after as she encountered one of the dreaded fish-hooks, justice was done ! We all plodded on on to the next long short split where both groups vanished into the undergrowth, in different directions of course. We all gazed into each others eyes at the next hash halt which sported the SS sign yes the sweet stop but who or where were the sweets, hence the gazing around. Eventually Oddbitz appeared armed with rucksack within which were the sweets. While the pack were busy grazing however Oddbitz decided to use his mobile, fined for technology on the hash. He was not alone for Fruitybitz who was with the trail-enders or were they tail-enders had made contact with her mobile, fined ! Once filled with goodies we all set off once more meandering here and there skirting fields as we went on our merry way until we reached our destination or starting point the end which ever way you look at it. Everyone agreed that it was a good trail with lots of checks, fish hooks etc so well done to the two hares. Finally do you have what it takes to be a hare if so contract our hare-raiser Tampa, but remember to come armed with goodies and flour the two main ingredients.
NEXT WEEKS TRAIL
Upton Pyne Village Hall CP near Brampford Speke (if anyone wants a drink after The LAZY TOAD in Brampford is close by, about 2 miles.

29th May - Warren CP, Woodbury Common - Stat Nav

Stat Nav ordered a sunny sunday and obviously he has clout in high places as it was indeed a lovely sunny sunday. About 17 hashers assembled, including Up Yours and offspring driving a nice shiny red car ........ everyone covered their eyes and hoped for the best !!!! ........ will she EVER live the reversing incident down ???? her hubby Slip Shod and friend Howling Wilf arrived on two wheels and sweat ...... NO Woodpecker today apparently in Singapore. So we were off by 10 past.
On On to the common we went, as Radiohead was in the Lakes and Stat Nav and Spocky Bitz were both with child (Radio Gaga, and Itzy Bitz) it gave others to shine, however as the writer of this blog was towards the latter end of the group she is unaware who was actually infront. But she remembers seeing Boots in Puss and Slip Shod's rear ends in the distance.
Lots of fishhooks kept Bell Toll, Howling Wilf and Tampa busy, AND Up Yours getting a fish hook ??? then another, then another, obviously she's been eating runner beans. There was a streaker on the hash today, Boots in Puss went topless to the delight of Puss, Horny and X Bitz..... ding dong !!!!!
Soon we were hashing through woodland with the usual debris on the ground, and Ooooops Spocky Bitz was a faller, straight down onto his knees, thus avoiding injuring his little Itzy Bitz who was travelling piggy back. He did hurt his knees but was a very brave hasher and soldiered on, after checking Itzy was ok. Horny Woman offered to give him a thorough check over but declined when he saw her don her rubber gloves !!!
Sweeties were to be found along the stream, a hunt that appeared to take hours when in fact took about 1 minute revealed 4 bags of sweeties ... yes 4 bags !!! including Minstrels which were coveted by many a female hasher, ( i was going to say lady hasher but lets face it ?????) so munch munch munch and we were On On up a hill, and then down the other side that led to MUD MUD and more MUD.
The mud was not only muddy but bumpy too and had at least 2 victims, first was Horny Woman who sunk her right foot up to mid calf, with the accompanying customary screams then 30 seconds later her left foot went in but only to her ankle this time. This caused much amusement to Tuned In who nearly fell over laughing her usual dirty cackle. Next was Puss in Bootless who carried on her name by getting stuck in the mud. Her partner Boots was so concerned for her welfare he decided to knock her over but she dug in deep (so to speak) and refused to fall over.
On home was called, before we knew it beer and crisps were distributed, fines given out, mickey taking abounded and it was all over. Great trail Stat Nav bring on next week !!!