16th August - Joneys Cross - Tampa

Another sunny Sunday was in store for us at Joneys Cross .......by the way- who was Joney? and why was she cross? ........ answers on a postcard please!
There was quite a crowd gathered for circle up ...... however NO Groucho ???? no ransom note was forthcoming so it was decided it would be safe to carry on. Stat Nav was also missing, as was the pink handbag, rumour had it they were together on a hen (ooops sorry stag) weekend in Birmingham, but we were given no hard evidence, just an oral excuse from his partner Chesty. However by way of replacement the aforementioned Chesty brought along 3 virgins, 2 medium sized and 1 small one, belonging to a friend who obviously fancied a quiet Sunday morning. Welcome backs went to Whiplash who has had a 3 month .... yes 3 MONTH hash break due to house moving ...... where did she move to Australia !!!!!! and a welcome back was given to Wellington, no reason given for his absence although Tuned In did muse about sunday school ????
The return of the Sherriff was given the respect he deserved, pity he didn't show some self respect with regard to keeping his Odd Bitz under wraps !!!! Surely there is a law about those trousers! and last but by no means least ...... lovely to see Itsy Bitz happy and smiling again bless her cotton bitz !!!
Over to the Hare, Tampa, who gave lots of info regarding the hash, sweetie stop, 3 long/shorts, 3 and on ....... and no fish hooks ..... however, as we later realised there was no need for them, as there were soooo many back checks the majority of the hash did the equivalent of 3 fish hooks each. Hare and a half is that Tampa.
So we were off ......... but no... we were back .... cross the road, and off again .... and no we were back again !!! would we ever get out of the car park we wondered. Then Geronimo shouted had anyone lost car keys to a Mazda ??? No reply, so finders keepers I suppose, Mazda for sale on Ebay under name of Geronimo.

Finally we WERE off, and a good trail followed - until a back check was found and the usual suspects (Spocky Bitz) went off scouting for the right trail ... which the majority of the hash followed before the On On was called, Tampa was seen bent over tying his shoe laces at this point, Horny Woman did notice this and IGNORED her gut instict which was telling her we were going in the wrong direction ..... note to self .....always trust your gut instict ! So back we came to a Tampa with perfectly tied up laces.
First of the long/shorts came along, with the shorts getting lost ..... lots of running up and down by Tail Lamp and Whiplash but still lost, until the hare took pity on a pathetic bunch and gave the wink to the correct path, Horny Woman was heard to say "I like you" to the Hare, but this was quickly raised to a "I love you" by Iron Lady. Tuned In and X Bitz were happily discussing their cravings during pregnancy, sugary sweets and chocolate were the top 2 - no mention of coal on toast or marmite and ice cream!!! The shorts came to the hash halt, which was under the cover of trees and waited in whispers for the longs to arrive, they could be heard shouting and getting lost quite a bit. Itsy Bitz had her morning snack whilst waiting for her daddy to come 1st streaking down the hill to the hash halt. Now talking of streaking - not only did he have indecent trousers but now the Sheriff was topless!!!! We all hoped and prayed that Fruity Bitz would be able to control herself in public, thank god, (or whichever spiritual following you belong to), that she did.

A long/short was next with the shorts going deep into the vegetation, admirably led by Keep Going. Under, over and though various species of trees and forestry we ploughed through, with occasional shouts of "watch out pricks" which progressed to "Big pricks ahead" and even more distressing for the males amongst us "Small pricks" !!!!! Yes folks it was a prickly 5 minutes.
Then the all important sweetie stop , jelly babies and fruit pastilles today, passed around and enjoyed by all. Odd Bitz said he felt taller since being on terra firma as he has spent 3 weeks in a horizontal position, really there were children around - you think he'd be a tad more discreet.
Up a slight hill - to which one of Chesty's virgins made the sensible observation " it would have been easier to go down the hill" that kid will go far! Then we happened upon an enigma - an arrow pointing to the left and a circle to the right, much scratching of heads and accusations abound but it would appear the arrow was from a previous trail and so it was On On to the right. Then it was the final long/short split and Horny Woman would like it documented that she took her very first long split..... could it be the influence of her official t-shirt ???
All back safely and an instant circle up was formed, without being shouted (such well trained hashers). Thanks given to an excellent Hash by the hare. Then fines .... Odd Bitz had the grace to fine himself for being away, then promptly knocked over his beer ...... good god, double fine for that one!!! Fruity bitz for getting her words back to front - back check / check back .....to which Spocky started to explain the difference between the two and Isoceles lost the will to live !!!! Very little, if any, snitching, so in the words of someone very famous "they think its all over - it is now !!"

Thanks to Horny Woman for this weeks blog - ED.

On On to Bullers Hill CP, Haldon Hill next week, to be laid by virgin hare Twice Daily!! We should meet at the 'unofficial car park' on the opposite side of the road to the official one as it is free but rumours abound (spread by Blobhoblin) that they have now blocked this off, so BRING CAR PARK MONEY.

9th August - Pine Ridge CP - Spocky Bitz

What a hare that Spockybitz is, not only does he lay an excellent trail, except for the bad bits, but he also trawls in 27 fellow hashers. Does he have a fan base? (No, just luck - ED)

It was nice to see Mr Woodpecker, late as usual of course, no change there then, a guest appearance from Radiohead and also so many junior hashers, indeed a very good turn out.
Whilst in the circle prior to setting off, Groucho announced that he had lost his inhaler which had been in his hand one minute earlier. Whilst the pack looked for it, he found it in the boot of his car, he was of course fined.
Fitfteen minutes into the run, a new hasher made a fatal error by informing a few hashers that he had not seen a blob yet, he was fined for not being focused on the hash. We plodded on running in a lovely shady environment, thus Spocky had a happy pack of hashers, not exposed to that rare event, hot August Sunshine, in fact we were kept in the dark most of the time. We had several uneventful long short splits before arriving at the sweet stop. The goodies were wolfed down in record time, all the while we were being observed by wild ponies, the hare then inviting the more alert members of the pack to "take in the views". Next we were off again by now travelling at a slower rate of knots due in part to age, tiredness, eaten to many sweets and of course chatting. Several more long/short splits came up, with, by now, more of the pack taking the short route. Finally came the hill that sorted any true hasher out.The true hasher took on the hill with some relish, which was extremely steep, enriched with mud and with nothing to hang on to. However there were a group of hashers who did not want to enjoy this enriching experience, they were of course fined.
Back at the circle once more fines were collected by the acting sheriff, one Tuned-In , she does need to go on a diet you know, she can't see the end of her trainers now, (do you like hospital food Groucho???? - ED), drinks and refreshments were taken before we all slowly made our way home.

On On to Joneys Cross next week.

Hash Weekend Fancy Dress Info

On the hash weekend the Saturday afternoon hash will have a fancy dress theme. As we are at Dulverton, home of hunting, it was suggested the theme be 'Hunters and The Hunted'. You may interpret this however you wish.
Fancy dress is not compulsory however, do you reeeeaaaallly want to be the boring bastard that couldn't be bothered???? Therefore, it is encouraged!!

2nd August - Peak Hill CP - Groucho

Well the rain held off and about 15 hashers turned up at Peak Hill CP. Groucho and Twin Peaks arrived back at the car park after laying the hash with very muddy shoes! A sign of things to come??? Then Twin Peaks announced she had to leave as she was off out for lunch...very nice too. Chesty joined the hash circle with 'normal' shoes on blaming Stat Nav for forgetting her trainers, well she had told him to put them in the car, what more instruction was required??? Luckily (for Stat Nav), Bush Baby had a (very clean) pair of walking trainers in her car that Chesty borrowed.

We circled up to receive our hash instructions to be informed by Groucho that there were ginger nut biscuits, chocolate raisins AND liquorice allsorts at the sweetie stop this morning, needless to say that over excited us all. We were told it was in flour, on the right but when questioned 'was it 3 and on' our hare looked to Spocky for guidance???? Was there a 3rd hare we hadn't known about??

On On we went with the hare following shouting out instructions he'd forgotton to tell us, fish hooks for 1st three. After some loitering by the knitting circle, on on was called and we headed off downhill. Lots of checks managed to keep us all relatively close together and before long we had arrived at the early sweetie stop. Early?? We'd only been going for 10 minutes. Anyway, we promptly found the goodie bag that had been hidden in the undergrowth. Perfect timing as always....Tampa arrived with Ben and William in tow.

After a quick hash flash, on on we went again through the trees and undergrowth emerging out onto the path again. At the next hash halt we were greeted by an enormous puddle where Spocky Bitz was loitering suspiciously, however, he was incredibly well behaved and didn't splash anyone. Tuned In found the trail from here and called the on on, it's a bit of a sad state of affairs when 'the pregnant one' is leading the trail, anyone would've thought she had inside information?!

I think the rest of the hash realised this wasn't how it should be because from then on the knitting circle was left miles behind everyone else! The knitting circle today consisted of Ring Piece (had a hangover), Chesty (knackered from 11.5 mile A2B) Tuned In (fat) and Horny Woman whose excuse I didn't find out I think she just thought we looked fun to be with!

On On we followed eventually reaching the on home where Horny Woman got so excited she twisted her ankle very badly, it must've been the conversation about ZZ Top (why???)

We circled up to receive our hash fines from acting sheriff, Stat Nav.

Once again a lot of stitching up went on. Groucho grassed up Tuned In for discussing ' Emily buying a new bag'. Tuned In fined Groucho for being deaf because in actual fact 'Emily bought a new BIB for Radio Ga Ga'. So then because Stat Nav fined her, Tuned In fined Stat Nav for forgetting Chestys shoes! Very confusing!

Spocky Bitz awarded the pink handbag to Stat Nav for taking the mickey out of him. There was rumour it was said that 'Spocky ran like a girl' as he ran past with the pink handbag. Stat Nav then said, 'have you ripped your trainers?' so Spocky turned round, lifting his heel off the ground and looking very camp with Stat Nav saying ' Hello Sailor'. I guess it was one of those things where you had to be there....but it was VERY funny!

On On to Pine Ridge CP, Woodbury Common next week with Spocky.