24th January - Warren CP, Woodbury Common - Tampa

Well well, who would have believed it but for some strange reason no fewer then thirty-seven hashers of various sizes, ages and abilities turned up today. We didn't realise that our hare, Tampa, had such a strong fan base, what on earth is going on?! Poor old Spockybitz was dashing around the car park getting subs, checking names, he was exhausted before he started, maybe the world of admin gives him a burst of energy. The other problem was finding spaces for all the cars with many hashers parking at at strange angles, except for one, Up Yours was given acres of space in which to complete her 27 point turn. Stat-Nav was even standing in front of his car as Up Yours entered the parking arena, or was it a circus.
At last we were off but straight away someone noticed the hare was carrying a handbag, whatever next, one pink handbag for the previous weeks hash hooligan is acceptable but two needed reporting, the sheriff was of course made aware of the situation.
Within minutes we came to a grinding halt, a back check! Chaos reigned for several minutes with hashers vanishing in all directions with the exception of a few who decided to stop and have an AGM while the pack did the business. Eventually a distant cry of on on could be heard coming from over the brow of a hill or was it a mountain, anyway it was steep! Next the hare thought a change landscape might be good so away from the only common and into the darkest depths of the woodland for us with plenty of opportunities to trip over branches etc, Groucho being one of the first, scoring 9.5 for artistic impression.
Once out of the dark wood it was time for another excursion on to the common, with a long short split thrown in, at this stage some of us were beginning to ask if our hare had been a mountain goat, he loves his hills especially those that go up. However he did produce some sweets from his handbag once at the summit, not before another back check though! It was at this point that our hare Tampa gave us his reason for the handbag, he had to go and buy some sweets from a nearby shop once he had laid the trail, this hard luck story failed to impress our sheriff, he takes no messing! However even the sheriff was fined when one eagle-eyed hasher noticed at the sweet stop that the for mentioned was not wearing his offical badge of office and T shirt.
As the pack polished off the sweets we noticed that Ron, a new was missing, he had gone on the long trail, extra long in Ron's case,but Spocky being a true hasher went back to look for him. From the sweet stop there was another long/short split followed by a little more mountaineering, some of us spending more time looking at the ground rather than the scenery or even the sky. We spent about an hour and a quarter out there in the Warren Wilderness, well done Mr Hare.
Back in the car park fines were collected. Tampa being fined for proudly saying that this time he hadn't forgotten the sweets, they were in the car, then promptly set off on the hash before realising he'd left them in the car!! The pink handbag, this week modelled by Twice Daily so we would recognise her after her return following some alterations to her person!!!, was awarded to the hare, he loves handbags! Finally two new hashers were named, firstly there is the now Twin Turrets for turning up in a T shirt with a gun plus what appeared to be a gun logo on it, there may have been another reason of course, if there is let the pack know next week. Secondly Ron, who was mentioned earlier was named Do Long Ron for his commitment to wanting to go that extra mile.
On on to Haldon Belvedere next Sunday
PS Does anyone have any photos of this weeks hash please? ED

17th January - The Twisted Oak, Ide - Blobhoblin

Well over 20 hashers gathered in the car park on this lovely sunny day, a very bizarre contrast to last weeks snowy hash. In the hash circle we were given some very odd instructions by the hare. It was to be a wet hash and by purchasing 'get out of water free' cards from our sheriff, we could avoid the water! Also there were 2 sweetie stops, which attracted a cheer from the hashers, but they were sweetie stops with a difference, all would be revealed on the hash. We welcomed some new hashers today, one of whom was Horny Womans daughter, some visitors from Otter Valley Hash and the return of Flat Foot and Down Below the latter having been in Australia for a while.
After checking it out On On was then called to the first water obstacle. The cheats among us went up over the bridge across the main road, the brave souls apparently ended up going through the tunnel that went under the main road, after going through the stream first though!
At the check we went up through the village onto the next water obstacle which was tackled by a few hashers though most opted to pay the fine to the sheriff.
Back out to the main road we set off up the road only for half the pack to have to be called on back by the hare for setting off in the wrong direction. We crossed the road and headed back towards the car park, what a nice short hash we thought, though we then ran past the turning onto a hash halt a little further down the road.
With the pack back together again we headed up a very large hill where Tuned In was struggling, this being her first running hash for a good long while, however when Radiohead overtook her despite carrying Radio Ga Ga, she was seen to be running up the hill.
With Twin Peaks and Stat Nav out front we continued up hill before heading down a very muddy track and onto the first sweetie stop. When the hare arrived we were told it was actually an 'F' stop and we would find something beginning with F between the two sets of markings. Quite quickly the homemade fudge was found and while we had a group hash flash and enjoyed the view, we ate Blobbys homemade fudge.
After a long/short split which took the shorts about 100m down the hill, we were onto the next sweetie stop where X-Bitz found the sweets hidden in the bush. Todays delights were sherbets and funsize Bounty bars.
On down the hill we went with a nice stretch of road which ended up with us at the next water hazard. Scarf Face, Flour Power, Bell Toll, Tampa and Odd Bitz were among the hashers who braved this one with Tampa and Bell Toll promoting hash violence by starting a water fight.
After a very muddy but flat long stretch of track we went through a field and were greeted by the On Home.
Back in the car park the fines were handed out to those hashers who didn't partake in the watersports. Radiohead was fined (isn't he always) for nearly dropping the baby, Blobhoblin was fined for being age-ist by putting 'Tampas rest stop' next to all the benches on the last stretch. Up Yours was fined for having excuses why she had missed last week and Chip Shop was missing this week.
On On to next week at Warren CP, Woodbury.

10th January - Core Copse - Chip Shop

Well our hare Slipshod, (I still think our Sheriffs adaptation of the name to Chip Shop is far better, let me know if you agree? ED), certainly pulled out all of the stops for today's run having spent some of Saturday and three hours today laying the trail and what a trail it turned out to be. Seventeen hashers braved the winter elements and arrived today dressed for the occasion in a variety of colourful winter garments with hats to match, what a sight they looked as they stood on parade in the circle, whilst five hash hounds just wandered around in their normal attire, just fur, as if they were thinking these hashers are barking mad. Anyway back in the human world the hare explained his trail, he went into great detail regarding how the route was marked, informing us that he had laid three quarters of it using sawdust the final quarter laid with snow. Snow! The whole area had received a carpet of snow so how does that work the pack asked sounding like choir. Then the hare revealed that he had run out of sawdust and decided to use the snow to make hash mounds of various sizes, what a clever hare to come up with an emergency solution.
We set off, the hare telling us to run to the check at a gate some 200 metres away, once at the check the hare realised he had not laid any check marks, this caused some confusion for several minutes with hashers darting around in all directions, he decided to draw a check in the snow. It was rather convenient that both Tuned-In and Ring Piece seemed to receive some sort of signal to go in a certain direction close to where this artistic snow check had been created. We now found ourselves zig zagging between the snow covered trees it was indeed a winter wonderland or was it blunderland as we kept losing then finding the trail. Checks came and went and several times, in the far distance, if that makes sense, we could hear the distance cry of a lone wolf, only to be re-assured that it was Howling Wolf by our able scouts Spockybitz and Paperwork. There were plenty of opportunities to both slip and slide but it would appear that on close inspection none of the pack suffered any ill effects according to our nursey Horny Woman.
There were two long/short splits the first of which took the longs down to the bottom of the valley the was covered in snow and as the shorts went off in another direction the the calls of on-on became fainter and fainter until silence return to the forest except for a small group of hashers waiting at the hash halt for the longs to appear. After about ten minutes the distance sound of crunching snow could be heard then from around a bend appeared a border collie, there were three on todays hash. Then the dog vanished then returned only this time with a hasher in tow, Ben the Dog had managed to encourage his master, Tampa, up to the hash halt. What a dog that Ben is! This halt was in fact the sweet stop the hare treating us to three varieties, including chocolate raisins no less......future hares take note! Once devoured we pressed on ploughing through the snow to the next long/short when we rejoined as a complete pack one wondered how our hare managed to synchronise
the arrive of both groups at the same time. However one hasher did emerge from the forest a little later. What has he been doing in that forest was heard from several voices in the cold morning air!
Finally we were back at the car park, our starting point, where we were treated to coffee care of Spockybitz, what a boy, the pack were very grateful for this gesture. Then came the circle where the sheriff fined the hare for a range of offences including drawing hash symbols on the trail and running out of sawdust. Ring Piece was fined for having technology on the hash, a mobile phone with a Benny Hill Show tune which was heard whilst in the frozen environment. Finally Chesty told us that she is going to work in London for six months, we will miss you and wish you all the best in London. (Miss you already Chesty - ED xxxx)

3rd January - Stoke Woods - Groucho

Seeing fellow hashers appearing today was as interesting as the hash, as those arriving by car had the experience of trying to drive up a very slippery hill in order to park their vehicles. Blobhoblin decided once he had parked up to place logs under his car as he'd experienced slippage once he had stopped, in Blob speak this means he noticed his car starting to skate downhill. Next Geronimo entered the car par arena where launched himself into a 27 point turn with a touch of nudge to finish, the nudge being to touch the Blobhoblin vehicle. Once in the circle Geronimo denied all knowledge of the parking offence, the sheriff was having none of it,ten pence fine was the order of the day. Finally last to arrive was Isoceles would adopted the more direct approach sandwiching his machine between two cars and then fiding it difficult to open the car door.
Finally all twenty hashers were off, but only for ten metres where they then encountered the first check, at this point Radiohead went into over-drive running all over the place whilst several other members of the pack decided to let him get on with it.After what seemed like an age on-on was called, not by Radiohead but the ever present Stat-Nav, what a hasher that boy is !
We were treated to a steady uphill climb right from the start. The hare, Groucho, informing us that it would warm us up on such a bitter frosty morning. In fact this climbing business continued for some twenty minutes, well thats what it felt like. Now several hashers were in a state of undress, in this case sweat shirts were coming off, what a hardy bunch. Whilst these hashers were undressing the faint cry of "wait for me" could be heard further down the hill, yes it could only be one person the Merseyside accent the give away, yes it was Horny Woman. Can I get my breath back please was her cry and the pack being a kind lot went off and checked it out as luck would have it the trail was not found for a couple of minutes the bad news was, more uphill. Eventually things levelled off to the relief of Horny.
Next came the swing on a branch challenge those not able to land in a circle from the swing had to check it out. Slipshod failed the test but for some reason Miss Twin Peaks decided to chase after our solitary Slipshod, rumour has it she loves chasing men in woodland areas although she prefers forests so we are led to believe. (I reckon it was the lycra that did it - ED) When Slipshod did however manage to find the sweet stop he was treated like a hero.
Once we had devoured the sweets it was on on to the next challenge, the log challenge which was in the horizonal position but covered in a lovely layer off crisp frost enriched with ice, lovely ! Several members of the pack failed to complete this and were of course fined. Eventually we reached the end of our little adventure, the car park. Fines were collected by the sheriff and cans of beer were given to picture competition winners. Finally Tail-Lamp was presented with the "GM Bone of Contention Award" for committing a hash crime that stands out above all others to date. The said Tail-Lamp had purchased a new pair of trainers and knowing the hash rules regarding new trainers decided to stand in a bag of John Innes Compost with trainers on inorder to discolour them and had thus escaped the drinking from the new trainer ritual.
Thanks to Groucho for the blog, on on to Core Copse next week on East Hill Strips.

27th December - Joneys Cross - Tampa

A good gathering of hashers arrived at Joneys Cross to try and shake off the excesses of Christmas. Twin Peaks looked chirpy (unusual), Fruity was looking Fruity, Ring Piece was looking hungover and Stat Nav was looking nervous as he'd agreed to run back to Lympstone after the hash with the legend that is Radiohead (guess who wrote this blog - ED).
We circled up while Tampa gave his excuses that he'd been unwell so had some help from Coffin and The Snail (I think that was his name?) laying the hash. Off they all went on this freezing and wet morning. The usual FRB's led the way and they soon hit the first long/ short split. This was good for the knitting circle at the back, today consisting of Tuned In, Ring Piece, Fruity Bitz and Chesty, not forgetting Radio Gaga, giving them an opportunity to catch up on Christmas gossip.
The longs followed a devious trail which twisted and turned mercilessly. Chip Shop and Stat nav were up front sporting their lycra get-up, probably Christmas presents? On On to meet up with Coffin who guided the hashers on. The trail continued on eventually meeting up for the sweetie stop in the woods where there was a fine selection of sweets, marshmallows, werthers amongst others. We all managed a good old Christmas gossip while we waited for the stragglers to all catch up.
Check it out the hare said and Spocky found the trail laid very much 'off piste' up through the gully ending in a scramble up a bank. Spocky seemed to enjoy this bit of rough and led the way. On we went on a lovely woodland trail with some crafty back checks and fish hooks until we finally crossed over the road. Isosceles, his son (still to be named??!!) and Radiohead were ahead at this time, only to come across a strategically placed fish hook. The trail continued along that path through quite a bit of mud, obviously the hares Christmas spirit did not extend to this trail.
After another long short split, the longs heading off through the woods, all trails led back to the car park where Brains was waiting with mulled wine and mince pies. Stat Nav decided to use the mulled wine as an energy drink in preparation for his run home.
We were let off fines today as the Sheriff was having the day off, hungover I expect! The pink handbag was awarded to Twice Daily as this will possibly be our only means of recognising her when she returns as she will have a new nose and new boobs!
Spocky was thanked for his contribution throughout the year and given a bottle of fizziness and a hoodie for X Bitz.