Thursday, January 19

15th January - Warren CP, Woodbury Common - Tampa

Myself (Twice Nightly) and Larks arrived at the Warren car park early to find it almost completely full of non-hashers / ‘ordinary people’. There were horses and bikes and dogs and walkers and people in old-fashioned costumes for no obvious reason and it was all quite surreal. Luckily after a few minutes the familiar form of Groucho appeared, thus reassuring us that we were in fact in the right place, unlike Stix and co. who cocked it up completely and went to Four Firs instead.
The wind was positively arctic and chilled us to the bone as we waited for the troops to assemble. Finally Groucho called the circle together. Tampa, as the hare, gave the pre-hash talk: flour, on the right, 3 long-short splits, yadda yadda yadda. Then ‘check it out!’ and for once quite a few people did, as running proved a useful way of warming up. Despite all these hashers dispersing in all directions no one could find the bloody trail. We scampered back in forth until we saw our hare standing smugly off in the distance next to a path no one had got to. ‘On on!’ was cried and on on we went.
As it was a Tampa trail we were expecting lots of fish hooks and check backs to keep the pack together in a mildly irksome way, and we weren’t disappointed. The trail twisted and turned over tussocks and into the woods where we were blissfully sheltered from the wind. The first regroup was followed by a long-short split, which for the intrepid few longs (all four of us – plenty of lazy hashers in the pack!) turned out to be a haha. Any annoyance was quickly tempered by the swift arrival of the sweetie stop. Initially I was a bit miffed as there weren’t any sweets for veggies but then like magic some malted milk biscuits appeared. And they weren’t just any old malted milk biscuits but sandwich ones with a creamy centre. Yum.
The trail then continued with two further long short splits, again with most hashers plumping for the easy option. Some in fact couldn’t even be bothered with the shorts – just before the ‘On Home’ I encountered a trio of Bitzs who had short-cut massively but had the audacity to accuse me of having been off trail! Then it wasn’t far at all back to the car park for some refreshments. It was far too chilly to be drinking cold beer but we stubbornly drank it regardless because we are hashers and this is what we do.
Fines were dished out by stand-in Sheriff FF. They started off modest in number but rapidly escalated as the naughty few dug themselves in deeper and deeper. The primary sinner was Slipshod, who had not only missed several fish hooks but had roped otherwise angelic hashers such as myself into doing likewise. Combined with arguing and stubbornness this meant he was up to 50p by the end of the circle. Also worthy of note was a harriet (dobbed in by the Spockmeister) for doing something I can’t entirely remember but involved something like brushing burrs off her legs? The guilty party turned out to be Dr Jekyll, but she was initially oblivious as she thought FF was talking about someone else called Harriet who had just happened to behave in exactly the same way she had. Dear me. Overall it was a cracking trail and a good time was had by all – many thanks go to Tampa!

Saturday, January 14

8th January 2012 Uphams Plantation EJ


This was billed as the Great Woodbury Tour Part Two with tour-meister EJ, but there was no tour, instead it was more of a wander. Fashion was the order of the day with Woodpecker in a shell suit circa 1980 and Tail Lamp was dressed as Michelin Man. Over thirty fine hashers turned up for this EJ trail, much having been said since the last one (it is believed some people are still doing it!). EJ informed the circle that he had been laying the route since 08.00 hrs, which caused some concern amongst several members of the pack. However EJ then went on to mention that in the vast space that is Woodbury Common he had laid long/shorts a plenty as well as a walkers trail, suddenly, EJ was flavour of the month. We were soon off galloping in all directions with Radiohead and Cousteau setting a frightening pace (they should know this is not a sprint more a marathon) the first long/short coming after about 100m, Tail-Lamp still feeling rather delicate, the choice was the short route, taking with him five layers of upper body clothing(on doctors advice he later claimed).However Geronimo, being in possession of a map and an elite orienteerer, still managed to find himself on the long, a little bit of competition for Cousteau! Horny Woman along with Ex-bitz and Tuned-in took to walking yet arrived back in the car park last, what's going on ! Fruity-bitz was heard discussing wall paper and painting with no attention being given to the search for the route. Odd-bitz did one long then stayed on the shorts, not whisky or gin, claiming rumour has it that his body batteries were flat.The longs were sent on an epic route of about 3 miles up hills and down dales. The shorts understandably  arrived at the sweet stop first where Tampa quickly ripped open the packets to find as many black sweets as possible to fit into his hand. We did have a view of Four Firs but we didn't venture near it, we also saw Woodbury Castle again from a distance ,what a tease our hare was. We finally reformed the circle about an hour later, where drinks we had and fines given out with Twin Peaks being as mean as ever, in fact she collected over two pounds from hashers who still don't know right from wrong, one of the worst being Geronimo who dared to take a map with him and Tail-Lamp or should he be known as Onion Man due to the number of layers he had on not to mention his Dorothy Perkins tights.

The fact still remains EJ is a cult figure in the hash laying fraternity

1st January 2012 - Blobhoblin Manor, Alphington - Blobhoblin/Groucho

This New Years run produced many hashers in various states of health, the most common being 'oh my head' and ' I'm tired'. Blobhoblin was there to greet the gathering throng along with the hare Groucho, both of whom were also looking a shade frayed around the edges. Woodpecker not wanting to turn over a New Year Leaf still arrived late, no change there then, eventually the rabble formed a circle which was feat in itself, not a bad turn out though with about thirty making up the pack. We all set off at a rather pedestrian pace, some finding the on on at the first check a challenge, they got there in the end thanks to Twin Peaks. We ampled by the side of a drainage ditch for about ten minutes before reaching car show room land where several hashers decided to look at cars instead of trails, Oddbitz was suspected as being the ringleader and was thus fined. If that wasn't enough Woodpecker then decided to go and look at motorbikes, he too was fined, by now some of us thought they were on a shopping expedition. Finally the pack were nearly all together as we now headed for the Exeter Canal via a railway crossing and the first long/short, the long's going over the canal passing Double Locks before rejoining the shorts at the sweet stop. So there was another long/short the long's going near to Lidl was the hare tempting fate, but no, as it happens as Lidl was closed. Once more the pack reformed, not a reformed pack I should add and we made our way back to Blobbington Manor. Back at Blobbington Manor mince pies and mulled wine were served by the lady of the house, Twin Peaks gave out fines, no mercy even at the start of the new year, she certainly takes her role as sheriff very seriously, fellow hashers you have been warned. Thanks go to Mr and Mrs Blobby for inviting us into his manor and a Happy New Year to you lot.

Boxing Day Hash - Joneys Cross - Tampa

Tampa and his now famous Boxing Day Hash along with some fifty hashers, made an appearance, some from distant lands like Essex, now home of Chesty. Also present was Radiohead, a Devon man so I hear. Blobhoblin decided to bring every living member of his extended family. I am pleased to report they all survived this Tampa hash experience. There was however no Tail-Lamp who it is reported is still too delicate to hash, perhaps he is still recovering from the last Tampa trail/trial.
The hash venue was of course Joney's Cross, able to cater for the large number of cars that just seemed to keep arriving. Spockybitz was last, very unusual, some members of the pack were becoming a little edgy and several large sighs of relief were heard as he emerged from his car as he had the beer!
Once given the normal instructions we were off, well some of us were whilst others carried on talking, no checking it out for them then ! We meandered around like a giant snake for about the first ten minutes after which a series of small worms would best decribe a aerial view of our merry hashers.There were plenty of check backs, which did allow our hare to maintain his normal degree of cunning, he doesn't change that Tampa. Geronimo managed to fall over several times, once in the mud chest first, lovely dive, I believe he scored 9.5, Tom Daley look out.
About six hashers were fined for using nerd names on the hash, Miss Twin Peaks our new sheriff inviting others to drop few hashers into it, she was well pleased with the response.
Anyway well done Tampa, a HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL and on-on to Blobhoblin Manor, 9 Westcombe Alpington

Sunday 18th December - Christmas Hash and awards - Twisted Oak, Ide