20th December - The Imperial, Exeter - Groucho

I came, I walked and gossiped, I ate a lovely meal and drank a little, in fine company, and then I drove home - now I'm writing the blog. Will that do?? No, I don't suppose it is quite explicit enough, so I'll try again. However, due to the above statement about walking at the back and gossiping, I didn't see an awful lot of what went on. I'll do my best. When I arrived (on time this year, please note) there were very few hashers attempting to stand up in the car par. I say attempting to stand up as it was extremely icy and if one wasn't very careful one could end up on ones bum - couldn't one, Groucho! As time went on more and more brave hashers joined the merry throng and by about 11.15 we were ready to toddle off. Most people had made a fantastic effort in the Christmas costume department - special mentions go to Woodpecker and Blobhoblin for trying to outdo each other in the fairy department, and of course Radio Ga Ga who looked wonderful as a reindeer. The less said about the unfortunate split in Spocky's costume the better! Cross the Zebra crossing and check it out says Groucho. So, everyone crosses the road and goes to the right. (I'd check to the left) says Groucho to me in a stage whisper, so off I toddle for the first and only time of the day in the front. On On I called then promptly found a hash halt, waited patiently and didn't see the front again all day. Anyway. We slid around the University for a bit, then managed to find a very muddy bit. The bits that are muddy where you want them to be icy so they stay solid and you don't lose your feet in six inches of cold mud - aren't icy at all - and the bits that are nice and dry and don't need to be icy are so icy that you slip and slide all over the place. Ho Hum. We managed to ruin someone's wedding photos, by gatecrashing the pics in all our santa outfits, and on we ran. There were a fair few walkers keeping up with us too, and we did manage to save them a wine gum or two at the re-group, even though there was strict rationing going on as Groucho had only provided two bags of sweeties. He was thinking of not spoiling our appetites, but really Groucho, these are hashers you're talking about, and a few sweeties really do go a long way! Off we went again down a muddy track thence onwards back to the Imperial. Apparently the hare lost himself somewhere along the trail, and even though being told it was a dead end, just had to go down the steps himself to be sure. This is an alleged statement, as I did not witness it myself, and if it is incorrect in any way, I blame Isosceles who was the grass in this instance! We just about managed to squeeze into the tiny room in the pub with a lot of chair and table sharing, but eventually everyone had their dinner and wine and chocs were provided by the Sherrif, courtesy of all those kind souls who had been fined all year round. Thank you very much and CHEERS! Groucho gave us a resume of the year according to the hash, the awards were given and the latecomers were applauded - these were Dr Jekyl, Mr Hyde, Marshal Farts and Treecreeper, all of whom had wonderful fancy dress, but had gone to completely the wrong place - the Imperial at Exmouth, not Exeter. It's closed down so I understand! Now I'd never go to the wrong place - what a silly mistake (!) ((Little in-joke for A-B hashers there). The Woodpecker Trophy - Stat Nav The Henpecker Trophy - Chesty The Junior hashers trophy - Flour Power The Bone of Contention - shhhh - it's a secret - watch this space to find out later if you weren't there! Whadda Hash Trophy - Baglady and Twin Peaks Wonderful day again. Thank you Groucho for being the hare and organising the whole thing. Thanks also to all the rest of the committee who do such a wonderful job all year round - Spocky, Oddbitz, Blobby, Tampa and anyone else that knows me! Happy Christmas and see you all in the New Year. On On.

13th December - Venmore Farm, Woodbury - Woodpecker

It was a good turn out for Woodpeckers hash, despite it being a tad "freezing your bits off" morning. Groucho was nursing a rough chest, indeed it was rumoured Beanbag had come along just to administer goose fat to his aforementioned, at regular intervals. Welcome back to Ringpiece, the good news is that she's out now, tagged admittedly, but out none the less, so we should be seeing more of her from now on ! Circle up and instructions given, obviously no long-short splits (woodpeckers pet hash-hate) but there was a breakaway group led by Radio Gaga who is obviously learning to read maps early on. Off we set, up a muddy and slidy hillside, that took its toll on Horny woman straight away - huff and puff she went with Baglady at her side, as her pacer for the duration. The FRB whizzed on and were caught by the first fish hook, then unbelievably Baglady and Horny woman were caught out and sent back after missing the 2nd fish hook ! Tampa called On On through a gate that was duly opened and not climbed as requested by the hare, up and down another muddy hill and then we crossed a small but exceeeeedlingly icy stream - a sharp intake of breath was heard from many a hasher, with the odd expletive !!!! After wading across and climbing up the other side of the stream, we jogged on for at least 15 yards, before........ yes you've guessed !!!- we had to cross back through the stream :) oh such fun. This time we had to wade for what seemed miles in freeeezing water the taller of the hashers were calf deep, whilst some of us were up to our knees. Out we climbed again, and off we jogged up a hill into another field. A couple of juniors were walking at this point and were heckled by older and wiser hashers to "keep moving, you need to keep your circulation going" oh such wise and unwanted words !!! We could smell the sweeties ahead ........ and mmm they were good, tangy jellyies and chocolate truffles were scoffed in record time and it was On On ...... Woodpecker had provided a stepladder at a certain point to help those less agile to climb over a barbed wire fence. Surely for this alone he could be a contender for next years Nobel Peace prize !!! One more deep stream crossing was tackled, with some clever clogs using the stepping stones provided by nature to help them cross, others just went straight in, and one lucky hasher who will be named as Top Cat was carried over by muscular hashers. A welcomed lane provided a solid jogging surface for some of the slippery feet brigade, whilst the FRB powered on and met up at the hash halt with the knitting circle, who we were assured had been provided with their own sweeties, for their very own sweetie stop. Beanbag had clearly had her sugar fix as she shouted "athlete coming through" and whizzed off, leaving her fellow knitters behind her. There before us was a 5 bar gate that refused to open so the chivalrous Sir Stat Nav stopped to help Tuned In and Radio Gaga to climb over the fence. Next to tackle was a small stream where upon a human chain was made to help the crossing of mother and babe safely to the other side. On home .............. It was a quick, fast and speedy circle up as we knew we had a hot tub, buffet and mince pies awaiting us at the hares house. So fines were swiftly given and off we went for a wonderful afternoon of Woodpecker hospitality.

22nd November - Knowle Woods CP - Sorepoint + Paperwork

Since Stat Nav conveniently forgot to write the blog, and in the interests of continuity, I thought I'd write the blog for my own hash, even though it's about a month out of date!
This was a joint extravaganza with Taunton and Exeter - really just a crafty way for Sorepoint and Paperwork to fulfill two obligations in one hit - so there were an awful lot of cars arriving in the woods at Knowle. We managed about 40 hashers from Taunton and a further 15 or so from Exeter, so a rather large crowd gathered, parking cars along the verge, in car parks and trying to avoid the HUGE puddles everywhere. The Taunton RA called everyone to order, then made a sad announcement about the funeral arrangements for our dear hashing friend Barndoor Fanny, who had passed away the previous week. A minutes silence was observed then off we went into the woods. He wouldn't have wanted it any other way. The on was called through the mud and away into the trees. Chesty and Horny Woman were bringing up the rear, as Chesty's hip was playing her up from all the running she's been doing with ISCA recently. Surely she should run well at Exeter and be walking wounded at ISCA, and not the other way round? Anyway, to cut a long story short, there was more mud than you would need for a couple of bikini clad wrestlers and everyone got covered in it! A couple of fallers, but I think mostly from the Taunton crowd. We made it to the re-group where sweeties were shared, and the two hashes conveniently split themselves into their normal groups. Is there some rule about not fraternising with another hash? Not sure - I manage very well!! Anyway, out of the distance came the yelping of little Jaws dragging Down Below behind him and behind him, three new hashing friends of his! Fabulous. They'd taken so long to find the start that we'd all gone and they'd followed the trail for a while, but then lost it, and asked a couple of "normal people" if they'd seen any flour or runners anywhere. Luckily they were pointed in the right direction and caught up with us just in time for sweets. Off we went again, the longs going all the way down a hill just to come all the way back up again, and the shorts just meandering through the mire at the top. About 3.5 miles is all we subjected you to, but if felt more due to wading through treacle the whole way. On back to the Wyndham Arms at Kentisbere where excellent refreshments were purchased. Thank you all for turning out.

AGPU News

1. Hash Hooligans

GM - Groucho
Hareraiser - Tampa
Treasurer - Spocky-Bitz
Sheriff - Odd-Bitz
Deputy - Stat Nav
Beermeister - Spocky-Bitz

2. Hash Cash

World of finance:
As of 29/11/2009 hash fund has net balance of £453.20
The decision was made to keep a float of £200.00 for 2009/2010 season, the remaining £253.20 to be used for a social event in 2010.
Membership fees for 2010 pegged as they were for 2009.

3. Law and Disorder

Sheriff and his monies:
Lots of law breakers this year resulting in a total of £57 being collected in fines as of 29/11/2009. It was decided to use this money for bottles of wine/ soft drinks plus after dinner mints (bit posh for hashers innit??? - ED) for as many tables as possible at the Christmas hash meal at The Imperial on Sunday 20th December.

4. Autumn Gathering 2010

It is hoped we will stay at Pixies Holt in 2010, date to be confirmed. There will be a cut off date for members to pay their monies to secure a place/ places before any vacancies will be offered to hashers from other hashes. Cut off date will be announced in the new year.
In order to keep things simple, monies must be paid IN FULL to the hash account to secure your place/ places.
A sub-group will be appointed in the new year to assist with the organisation of this event.

5. Hash Health And Some Safety

We should all try if possible to make sure at least one hasher/ hare carries a mobile phone, in case of any injuries etc where extra assistance is required, before leaving the hash circle.

News Update

After a recent debate on the virtues of long/ short splits between the University of Lympstone and Professor Pecker of Exton, on Sunday 13th December at Venmore Farm, Woodpecker will lay a sociable hash without the use of the aforementioned long/ short splits.

He has also very kindly offered to have an 'On Down' at his house after the hash where there will be some snacks and use of the birthing pool, no sorry, hot tub.

On December 20th The City of Exeter HHH Christmas run will take place from The Imperial, Exeter at 11am, to be followed by the annual awards ceremony. The more the merrier. Christmas fancy dress is actively encouraged.

6th December - Ideford Common - Blobhoblin

After days of rain all looked bright on this Sunday morning. Woodpecker turned up early, Tampa was happy AND early and there was a new hasher in town. 17 hashers joined in the circle welcoming the new hasher Radio Ga Ga with her first hash at just 4 weeks old. She looks more like Chad each day....where is he by the way?????

The hare gave us our instructions and off we set. Radiohead off to a good start had to run back to his car as he'd left his keys behind......in the ignition!!! Down a muddy trail getting caught in some rough woodland. Flour must be in short supply in Alphington as the dots seemed rather small.

Spocky was leading the way with Stat Nav lurking near the back complaining of a cold (man flu). After going up hill and down dale through the woodland we were onto a regroup where we all waited for Radio Ga Ga to catch up. (More like Chad each day)

On the pack went, at pace with plenty of puddle splashing (Spocky) and puddle avoiding (Chesty and Horny Woman). Down an incredibly muddy path led to the sweetie stop where we were treated to an assortment of sweeties such as love hearts, double dips, lollies and truffles. X-Bitz particularly enjoyed her double dip??!! Stat Nav seemed to recover from his man flu to consume his fair share of the truffles. With the pack now restless on they went again through more mud and across the road onto a lovely open stretch with some fish hooks to keep everyone in check. Tit Bitz was seen running back and forth with the fish hooks but she was just a blur of stripey socks.

Onto another regroup where the pack set off but where was Radiohead? He had been summoned to look after Radio Ga Ga. This left Spocky, a newly invigorated Stat Nav, Tit Bitz and Rare Bitz to lead the way in a blur of athletic brilliance! (?????-ED) Their trail took them through ankle deep mud and water with Emerald and X-Bitz taking the easy option as they didn't want to try and swim home.

Back in the circle the fines were handed out, Radiohead for finishing a hash weighing twice as much as he had when he started and leaving his keys handily in the ignition of his car, Isosceles for arriving late, Woodpecker for short cutting. Blobhoblin was awarded the pink hand bag for a misdemeanor that escapes my memory.

Well done Blobby for a good hash a fitting one for Radio Ga Ga's first hash.

NB. A very strange thing happened in the car park after the hash. Woodpecker was seen to drop a nylon stocking which he hastily tried to pick up but was caught in the act by Radiohead who, being the soul of discretion he is, decided not to tell anyone! So his secret is safe with me. There could be a simple explanation, he robs banks in his spare time.

29th November - The Maer CP, Exmouth - Oddbitz + Fruity Bitz

What a miserable day weather-wise, yet 12 hashers braved the elements and turned up to suffer the hash trail, or was it trial, laid by Odd Bitz and Fruity Bitz.
It was raining as we set off, good start that was, with a strong wind thrown in for good measure. However the hares gave us a good start with some urban running, although it was uphill. After about ten minutes we finally went off road and on to the first of two long short splits, only the hare informed up that the long was the short and vice versa. We, the pack, just nodded well what else can you do??? The short was like walking in a field in which the plant life was in need of water, plenty of water. Within seconds the sound of sodden trainers could be heard as they continually entered this wetland landscape.
As we approached a gate over which we had to climb we encountered a sea, yes a sea of brown ankle deep mud, enriched with cow pats, or crap for short. At this point Isosceles ran off in the direction from which we had come shouting that he had a lunch appointment that he had forgotten about.
Then there was a pleasant run down a lane where we were treated to some tourist information from Sorepoint informing us that as we passed a National Trust barn that she and Paperwork helped restore as volunteers. However she did not tell us about the next landmark, a very steep track which was like a 'v' shaped valley. The geographical feature had several hidden features, mud in abundance of various depths and a stream which today was like a continual flow of chocolate....what a cocktail! Add to this the fact that our hares had added several fish hooks or back arrows and you can picture the scene. Several hashers including Tail Lamp and Groucho, put their heads down only seeing mud and trainers, in this case the trainers belonging to the other hashers doing the fish hooks.
Once at the top, some 15 minutes later, we all expected to find the sweetie stop, but no, all we had from the hares were those delightful words, long/short split, only this time the distances were as normal, whatever normal might be. After a period of normalness we had our first view of the sea for a while, there we were perched on the top of the cliff. Fruity Bitz did her elf and safety bit informing the now drained pack that the cliff was falling away in a few places so be careful. She was a kind hare....no mention of these hazards from Odd Bitz!
Still no sweetie stop, the pack were becoming restless especially Tampa we weren't sure if he had any breakfast, also we had now been going for 50 minutes! Next came a steep drop down towards sea level, it was very runable but the wind was in fact trying to blow us in the opposite direction. We saw the odd bit of litter being blown past like tumbleweed.
Finally we arrived at the sweetie stop where the sweets lay hidden, the goodies were devoured in record time then the hares dropped the bombshell....having re-energised the pack we were told that it was only 5 minutes to the 'on in'. Anyway, well done hares.